You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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