I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
