He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The adults are the big ones right?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
