Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
