This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
