I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize