Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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