Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
