It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you made out with another girl for some wings
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
