My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize