Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
