Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
