Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize