Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
