puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize