I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's never too late to be topless.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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