If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
