my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize