Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
