he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need a beard to bite.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
