ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
