hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
