the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
