We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
