We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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