ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize