pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You ruined the universe
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
