put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just forgot I was standing up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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