One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
