Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
