I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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