dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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