My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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