What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
