just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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