it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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