Duck Duck Cougar?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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