my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Drake has all the answers
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
