Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
