a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
