i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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