3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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