If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
