i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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