we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
