his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
