Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
