You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
