I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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