i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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