Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
