Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize