I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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