Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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