I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
