Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
