I wish I could teleport
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
