is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
