I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
