just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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