Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
