Define "chronic" masturbator.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
