Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
