apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
