We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
