dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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