We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Randomize
